Susan asks, "What is this #31days31people thing all about?"

Q.
What is this #31days31people thing all about?

A.
Excellent question, and thank you for asking! First, if you've not checked out the articles you can find all so far, here: MEDIUM

The easiest way for me to answer this one is to kind of evaluate where I'm at, and how it's going. So let's go with this:

#31days31people - Three Things I’ve Learned From This Project (A mid-point update)

On Nov 30, 2014 I committed to writing every single day in December between the hours of 4-6:30am, a post about a person in my life for whom I am grateful. 31 people over 31 days. 

The only rule I gave myself was that I had to write something, no minimum or maximum word count. So far, each post has averaged around 375 words and has taken anywhere from 20-60 minutes to plot out, write and post. An easy 2-3 minute read per post, for folks interested.

The only thing pre-planned was a list of about 45 names that I’d put together on November 30. Each morning I look at the list and see what my heart feels compelled to write.

Some days I write with a huge grin, letting go of audible little giggles as I hash through snippets of my memories. Other days I find myself teary with emotion and a swollen heart recalling every feeling as if the moment were happening again.

The project is an exploration in gratitude. Tons of studies have been done on the health and psychological benefits of gratitude. I’ve been doing a lot of research and experimentation on the topic and how it can work to make us better human beings, personally and professionally. I’m 16 days in, half-way, and the #31days31people project is teaching me some really neat things, here are three that I’d like to share:

1. Gratitude is both Selfish and Selfless
It starts with the best intent. I simply wanted to express my gratitude for some folks who’ve made my life better in some way or other. But I noticed that starting my day with the expression of gratitude for someone not only felt really good, it seems to also surprise and brighten the day of the person I write about, in the instances those folks are still alive. Seeing and hearing that surprise and delight, in turn makes my day even better. So every single day I follow through on this commitment, my day is starting off on the best possible foot. I’ve felt better mentally, I’ve felt better physically. So much so that I also decided on Dec 1 to fold in one of those “30-day Squat Challenge” things. So I write first, do my little exercises then get on with my normal day. Good stuff! 

2. I Can Make Time to do Anything I Decide is Important Enough to Give My Time to
It’s true. I run into excuses and bumps in the road just like many people. During this project alone, I’ve been up through several nights with sick kids, been sick all night myself, couldn’t sleep because my mind wouldn’t rest, but the days must go on. There's work to do, a home to keep clean, lunches to pack, music lessons to get kids to and all the sorts of day-to-day things life presents. But I’ve found this really neat rhythm, not just in this project, but for the last almost 2 years, a rhythm in owning my time. No excuses. If I really WANT to do something, I figure out how to do it. I’m dedicated to maintaining this rhythm. It’s really important to me.

When life or weird stuff knocks me off my game, it can take a minute to figure out a workaround or to figure out if the path I was on is in need of a shift. When life pushes, it’s not always pleasant but I’ve found that if I will move through it with focus on what I know is important, like gratitude for the people in my life, everything continues to fall into place. Life seems to get more spacious and clear, and my opportunities to design it my way become more abundant.

3. I Don’t Want to Stop
Feeling good is addictive. Making others feel good is even more addictive. So here’s what I’m thinking: I’m going to keep something going. I’ll change the content a bit but, to kick off the 31 days of January, 2015 I’m going to start another #31days project. I’ll announce what it is on January 1.

It’d be awesome if folks wanted to try their own #31days project. I’d love to see what people come up with!

//
My #31days31people project: MEDIUM

 

H.G. asks, “I’ve read your advice on making time, but what if I really DON’T have time?”

Q.
I’ve read your advice on making time, but what if I really DON’T have time? 

A.
This makes me smile. While I don’t know the intricacies of your individual situation, in my last post I noted that we are all working with different puzzle pieces. This is the truth. Blanket advice can be a challenge for this exact reason, but I can tell you that in every coaching engagement I’ve had where the phrase, “I don’t have time” has come up, we’ve been able to work through things and squash that thinking. 

I still stand very much by what I wrote in last week's post but here are a couple points of focus I’ve broken down a bit further:

1. Prioritization is key.
I start with What’s Important. What’s important to you? What’s the MOST important thing to you, right now? This is what we must never lose sight of. The answer to that question may change from one day to the next, one month to the next or one year to the next. That’s OK. But keeping your sights on the answer, no matter how often it changes, and shifting all your actions to support the ‘What’s Important’ list, is how you solve the problem of making enough time.

2. Seriously, seriously examine WHY you don’t have time. 
The most challenging time of my life that I can recall, was becoming a single mother to a 4 yr old and a 7 month old while working full time at a new job (with a 1 hr commute each way), after closing the doors on a company I loved.

Emotionally, I was a wreck. Time wise, I was overwhelmed. I wanted to make a great impression at my new job, I needed to be there for my kids - I had no family near that could help.
The first thing that got lost in the shuffle for me was my health. Prior to this moment, I was a super active and quite healthy person. While at first, all my life goings-on were a really legit reason, after a while I realized that I used it as an excuse for a prolonged period of time. It took me 5 years to put my health back into priority. 5 years to realize how important my health for me to hold my shit together. And 4 years to see I had turned a legit reason from one moment in my life, into an excuse that infected years. 

Once I realized, I started figuring out ways to change it. If it meant making more money to afford a sitter, I tackled it; if it meant only working out at home for 5 minutes every day until I could figure something else out, I tackled it. I tried dozens of different things until I found something that worked. Once I found a rhythm, I moved my health out of the top spot on my list. It still visits the top of the list from time to time but it no longer leaves the list entirely.

Life will drop bombs. I’ve had jam-packed but beautifully planned days get shot off the rails at 6am. Days where there’s no hope of getting to the list of todos. If you’ve got a method in place that guides you, prioritizing starts to become second nature. Always evaluating what is important RIGHT NOW. Always asking yourself, does THIS ACTION support what’s important? If yes, how quickly can I get it done? If no, how quickly can I get it off my plate. Please note, that by getting it off your plate, I do not mean buying time to do it later. That’s the beautiful art of procrastination. I mean clearing it from your list of future tasks altogether. This is a cycle that takes practice but once you get into the swing of it, things start to fall into place more gracefully. When life knocks you on your butt, get up. Keep going.

They say, it's not what happens to you, it's how you deal with what happens to you. I couldn't agree more.

<3

Andrea R. Asks...

Q. 
As a mother and a woman in tech how did you manage it? Any advice for other women in similar situations?

A.
Thank you for your patience while I pondered on this one. I’ve written about 14 different versions of this since I received your email. :)

I’ve boiled my response into 5 bits of advice I’d offer, and while I’ll always have a soft-spot in my heart for moms-in-tech, I believe the reach of my response can really apply to anyone. I'm just another human being making my way in the world.

  1. Live below your means.

    This is financial advice more than anything. My parents raised me to “live within my means.” But I learned later in life, from the ever-awesome Suze Orman/@SuzeOrmanShow, that it’s even better to live below your means. Identify the bare bones of the cost of survival. Do whatever it takes to make that happen. Aim higher. It’s reasonable to live comfortably and have fun but be realistic with where you are and what you want. Most people fall into the ‘make more, spend more’ ritual. Who cares what other people are doing, do what's best for you and your family.

    I’m not *always* a master of this but I can tell you, the more I practice this, the more freedom I gift myself. And the more freedom I have, the more I want, and the easier living this philosophy becomes. I believe this is a really healthy cycle of habit.

  2. Work smarter and harder.

    Here’s another one of those old adage sorts of things, “work smarter, not harder.” For the first time in my life, the past two years have helped me feel like I totally get that. But I choose to interpret as, “work smarter and harder.”

    The value of hard work, and solid work ethic is something that I can't speak enough about. But in terms of working smarter, I have learned over many years to incorporate some seemingly basic things into practice    , that have improved my ability to spin a fair amount of plates. A few of these things are:

    • Make lists & prioritizing (daily)
    • Say NO
    • Learn how and what to let go of
    • Celebrate little accomplishments
    • Have confidence in self-value

    That last bullet there is possibly the biggest one.  

  3. Respect time.

    I accidentally wasted someone’s time earlier this year. He didn’t say anything or get mad at me, but I knew I did it and even though it genuinely was an accidental mis-scheduling of a seemingly simple 30 minutes. I still feel sick about it. 

    I have tremendous respect for time. Other people’s time, and my own time. And having respect for time causes me, in most instances, to be very careful in how I dole it out.

    I don’t plan out every minute (I hope to post a separate piece about over-scheduling, soon!) But I do make lists, and prioritize. I give freely of my time when I believe I can be of service to someone quickly and effectively. I bill for my time when I know it’s something that requires more effort. 

    But most importantly, I respect the hell out of time. And I appreciate others who do, too.

  4. Gratitude, not excuses.

    Be grateful, every day, for what you have. Think small, and think intricately about what is GOOD. If you do not have the flu today, be grateful. If you have a pair of shoes you can ably put on your feet, be grateful. If you are able to spend 30 seconds in deliberate silence, be grateful. I don't mean to make light of this, at all. In total seriousness, the routine of appreciating the details of every day can change everything.

    I think often we get caught in the undertow of what limits us. I’ve seen myself do it. From a gender perspective, certainly, I’ve felt held back at times. From a mom perspective, I’ve definitely thought about how much easier or less expensive things might be if I didn’t have kids, or if I had more help here or there. But instead of putting good energy into the obstacles, I’ve learned to shift the focus. I think it’s very good to identify obstacles and worst-case scenarios, but instead of saying, “I would but…” or “I can’t because…” I look for ways around. “I can’t because… but I could solve that by, a, b, or c.” 

    One of my biggest peeves is hearing, “I don’t have time.” We all have the same amount of time in a day, we just have different puzzle pieces to work with. Reconfigure those pieces until you find what works. No excuses.

    Identify what is important to you and make time for it. Even if it’s only two minutes per day. Start somewhere and find gratitude for folding that two minute thing into your life.

    Excuses are easy. Find gratitude, instead. You’ll be surprised at how this can shift your world.

  5. Be true to yourself. 
    This one is huge. And I'm going to continue working at this until I die. My dad was a pro at this but it took me a very long time to realize and appreciate it. 

I can feel it deeply when what I'm doing is not aligned with who I am. The most important lesson I've learned is when I feel something off, to take thoughtful stock then act swiftly. 
What I meant by thoughtful stock is, I think there's a period of time where we have an emotional response to something. That is a good thing. I usually split my emotional response into two waves:

I write it all out in a document to be shared with no one.

I wait until the emotion passes then rework the document OR I have a conversation with someone I trust, who can present an angle of grounded, non-emotional insight to the topic.

I believe very much in the honesty of the emotional response, but I am also a big believer in the progress to be made by rational response. It's something I still work to improve, but I think just being aware has helped me a lot.

For example, I may be in a job or relationship that feels off. My emotional response may be to get out quickly. By letting that soak a little, and allowing a rational response to weigh in, I can get a better handle on the position that is true to ME and the direction I want for my life.

There have been a number of life experiences that have brought me to those 5 items as being really useful bits of advice. Experiences of struggle and loss, feeling held back, overlooked, underestimated and completely misunderstood, interlaced with experiences of wonder, joy, freedom and all-out confidence. All 5 of these items are things I continue working on routinely. All in all, I want to be a better person. I want more out of this life. And there's a whole lot more out there to grab hold of. 

Andrea, I hope this offers some value. I would love to hear your thoughts in response, so please feel free to post as a comment or email me directly.  

With gratitude,

Jaimee

 

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Approx 15 people at the last 2 conferences I attended asked:

Q: So... What do you do now? Do you still design products?

A: Two part question with a two part answer.

PART I - WHAT DO I DO NOW?
I'm a Coach and Mentor. 

I've combined my 15+ years as a web and mobile experience designer with life-coach training into a practice focused on coaching and mentoring UX/Product/Creative/Dev and Executive teams. My clients are Fortune 100 companies, agencies and startups. I’ve worked with some of the world’s best and continue helping top teams grow stronger, happier and more efficient. 

My work also extends into individual-coaching engagements. Past and present clients include writers, developers, musicians, interior designers, UX practitioners and CEOs in pursuit of self-improvement and/or getting "un-stuck" personally and professionally.

The emphasis of my work, even when I was hands-on designing, is building empathy and personality into web and mobile app products. Emotional engagement and laser-like focus is my thing.

PART II - DO I STILL DESIGN PRODUCTS?
I'm not so hands-on anymore, now I help teams and individuals make better products. I do still work on my own personal projects and experiments.
Instead of hiring me to design a product for you, you hire me to help your already awesome team improve their UX and/or communication skills, or the strategy for your product. Or you hire me to assemble or build upon an awesome UX or Creative team, to create your awesome products. Or you hire me to help your engineers, marketers or business teams learn how to fold UX thinking into their regular work rhythms.

I stay on top of the latest Human Interface Guidelines and Material Design standards. I still get absolutely stoked when things like AppleWATCH and iPhone 6 get announced.  I have so much love for the devices we create for, and want to help keep your teams on top of the latest developments. I speak all over the world about how to capture your users attention, gaining their affection and winning their devotion.

You can check out my services page or contact me if you'd like to learn more, or discuss working together. <3

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